What I donâ¤™t know about Harry Potter could just about fit in the Grand Canyon. I saw one of the movies a few years back, which I believe was titled â¤˜And The Goblet Of Fireâ¤™ and I only saw that one to score brownie points with an ex girlfriend who was Potter obsessed (at one point referring to the University she was attending as â¤˜Hogwartsâ¤™ before deriding me for being immature because all I wanted to do was hang out, play in rock n roll bands and have sex). The thing is that Iâ¤™d probably have loved Harry Potter if I were ten years younger than I actually am. Instead, youâ¤™re about to be given the worldâ¤™s worst guide to Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2. Enjoy.
So here goes: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 by somebody who hasnâ¤™t seen it:
Basically, from what I can gather, Harry Potter is a little kid who has a lightning scar on his head. He lives in a closet, being strictly told that there is no such thing as wizards. Then he goes to wizard school and is taught by a number of weird teachers (who cannot be CRB checked, by the way). The school is a plummy public school and everybody talks with ever-so-posh â¤˜Britishâ¤™ accents. Itâ¤™s so nice at Hogwarts that the ginger kid (who, to top it all is, I believe, named â¤˜Weaselyâ¤™) doesnâ¤™t even get his head kicked in that much.
Then thereâ¤™s this green bloke named Voldemort whoâ¤™s pissed about something or the other and heâ¤™s supposed to be dead, but of course he isnâ¤™t. So he goes all Darth Vader on everyone and weâ¤™re all supposed to be scared, but its like, he doesnâ¤™t even have a nose (so how does he smell? lol) and he doesnâ¤™t stay dead when they do kill him. In fact, in the movie I saw, Voldemort actually killed this one kid, who was kind of a dick, but didnâ¤™t deserve that, so I guess he is quite gnarly. Then there are dragons and mermaids and Harry has to do all these tests which look much more fun than GCSEâ¤™s. He even gets to play a game with flying broomsticks, or something.
So, in the final movie, Voldemort hasnâ¤™t calmed down any. Apparently, heâ¤™s afraid that Harry (who is by now old enough to drink, swear and vote) is a legitimate threat to his power. Hogwarts must be a better school than my old one, (which pretty much opened its doors and turfed out an army of no-hopers). Then Harry fights Voldemort and um...dies, so Iâ¤™m told. So there you go. I wish I could be of more assistance, but when it comes to Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 thatâ¤™s all I got. Sorry. The book is so long that it needed to be split into two movies, hence Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2, which is a pretty ugly title, all things considered.
At a meeting in a fashionable London hotel, I was asked by my manager and a prospective agent for my thoughts on Harry Potter and the phenomenon he has created, I answered that I think its great that kids are enjoying reading, whatever they read, and that the character seems fairly positive, also, the enormous success of the books has opened up a whole new world to kids authors everywhere, so I see it, largely, as a positive thing. Still, there is the vague worry that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 was watched by more adults than kids, as the box office figures suggest. But I canâ¤™t argue, as last night I dreamed that me and my girlfriend were members of the Green Lantern Corps racing to steal a glowing blue hamburger from the centre of the universe...And defending that in Freudian terms has used up my entire quota of â¤˜gown up pointsâ¤™ for the day. So there! (Pokes tongue out and runs away).